Lionel Messi shot a penalty wide right in the 9th minute tonight and I fully exhaled into my couch cushions, because of course. Of course the greatest player alive was going to have one of those games in front of 70,649 people at AT&T Stadium, one match away from breaking the all-time World Cup scoring record everyone could feel coming.
He scored twice anyway. He owns the record now. Eighteen goals across six World Cups, more than any man or woman who has ever played this sport.
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The first one came in the 38th minute and it was pure Messi cruelty. Thiago Almada let Facundo Medina’s pass roll through on purpose, and there was the little guy, about 20 yards out on his left foot, firing past goalkeeper Schlager before Schlager even registered that he should probably move. Then Messi sprinted to the corner and threw his right arm in the air. I’ve watched this clip eleven times and I’m not stopping.
Goal 18 came in injury time off a Julian Alvarez rebound — which is such a Messi thing, to get the history-maker on a garbage goal during a counter, just to remind you he doesn’t care about your narrative. That one also broke Marta’s women’s record of 17. He is now the all-time leader regardless of gender, regardless of era, regardless of any argument you want to start at a bar.
Miroslav Klose held that record at 16 goals for twelve years — set at the 2014 World Cup, standing through four full tournaments. Messi tied that record with a hat trick against Algeria six days ago. The man handled the chase with the kind of grace I could never manage. “He is welcome to do it,” Klose told reporters before the match. “I’m a huge Messi fan, always have been.” That’s either profoundly chill or deeply sad, and I’ve decided to believe it’s chill because the alternative is too much to process on a Monday night.
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Messi told reporters after the match: “There were moments when I was really angry about missing the penalty, but I was able to make up for it.” The man missed a penalty in a must-watch World Cup match, got furious at himself internally, and then scored twice to break a 12-year-old record. That’s his version of making up for it. My version of making up for something is apologizing twice and buying a round of drinks.
He’s 38 years old. He turns 39 in two days. The list behind him — Klose at 16, Brazil’s Ronaldo at 15, Gerd Muller at 14, Kylian Mbappe at 13 — reads like a Hall of Fame exhibit, and he lapped all of them at an age when most players have already been out of the game for years. Argentina is through to the knockout round, atop Group J, with their 38-year-old captain holding the Messi World Cup record at 18 and counting.
I have spent embarrassing amounts of money on sports bets that didn’t hit. I’ve watched games from apartments I could barely afford. I’ve texted my friends things I regret. None of it matters. I got to watch this in real time and that’s genuinely all I’ve got.
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Enjoy being 38, man.
